Adjusting to chronic illness is not for the faint of heart. It is so much more than long term illness.

It is strength in vulnerability, strength in submission, strength in setting and holding boundaries, strength in the power of love and community, and most importantly strength in learning who you are now, not who you once were. Adjusting to life with chronic illness is learning to let go and relearn what you thought you knew. It is beyond difficult and ultimately a gift; in some cases, it is a second chance at life.

Guilt over not functioning to the best your ability can feel overwhelming at times. Especially when there is a caretaker experiencing chronic illness. This guilt feels heavy and is part of the grieving process.

Grief is a huge part of the transformative adjustment to chronic illness. Death is usually associated with the word grief. However, grieving happens when one loses something dear to them. In this case, it is the life you thought you would lead. Chronic illness is the loss of a healthy and fully functioning body, mind or soul, a decline in physical appearance, extreme fatigue, and so much more. This shortlist leaves a lot to grieve. Grief is isolating, exhausting, unpredictable and it changes one in profound ways. Let’s take a look at the 5 staged of grief and secondary losses through the lens of chronic illness.

Five Stages of Grief

Denial. You may feel numb as if this is not happening to you. Who wants to accept that they are “sick” and not getting better anytime soon? Some people may look for second, third and fourth opinions from professionals. This is a good idea but once all options have been exhausted and denial is still there, you know you have begun the grieving process.
Anger. Anger is a natural and healthy emotion usually rooted in sadness. Why did this happen to me? What have I done to deserve this? Some people will be angry with God. Some will lash out at loved ones and even be hard on themselves for being “weak”.
Bargaining. During this stage you know you are in pain, yet it is hard to accept there is so much out of your control. This is when people may try to “make deals” with themselves, doctors and even God.
Depression. This is where the deep sadness and longing for the life you thought you would lead comes in or the body you thought you could count on. This pain can be intense and often lasts longer than feels necessary or is welcome.
Acceptance. Gradually you are able to accept the “new you”. This is where the pain begins to ease and life moves forward.

Secondary Losses

A secondary loss is a loss of something other than the chronic illness diagnosis. These can include but are not limited to: support systems, relationships, hobbies, a job or career, spontaneity, financial security, autonomy, bodily limitations and one's identity.

Grief comes in waves. It is a process in which the stages ebb and flow over time and they are not linear. Outsiders may not understand why on some days the chronically ill person seems just fine, happy, and enjoying life again and the next day or even the next minute they are back in a dark place. This can be because many chronic illnesses are invisible illnesses. This makes it difficult for outsiders to wrap their heads around what is going on with the person living with chronic illness. Invisible illnesses can be lonely and isolating.

Here at Atlanta Wellness Collective, we want to help. For support, contact us or request an appointment online.

This blog post was written by Elizabeth Neal, LMSW.

Disclaimer: This blog is not intended to substitute professional therapeutic advice. Talk with your healthcare provider about your health concerns and before starting or stopping therapies. No content on this site, regardless of date, should ever be used as a substitute for direct professional advice from your doctor or other qualified clinician.

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