Breaking Down Attachment Styles: Anxious Attachment
This blog is a continuation of Breaking Down Attachment Styles: Secure Attachment.
An anxious attachment is one of 3 insecure attachment styles, typically caused by inconsistent parenting.
An anxious attachment is mainly caused by either inconsistent parenting or a parent driven by emotional hunger. Inconsistent parenting can look like a child receiving “mixed signals” from their parent. For example, they will receive love and support one day and emotional distance the next. Emotional hunger is when an individual is craving a strong emotional need, usually a result of experiencing inconsistent love and support in childhood. In some cases, a parent may use their child to satisfy the emotional needs they did not receive in childhood. This might present like a parent being overly involved in their child’s life, overprotective, focusing on their child’s accomplishments/appearances, or vicariously living through their child. The experiences of ongoing inconsistent parenting and a parent led by their emotional hunger can cause a child to develop a sense of low self-esteem, people-pleasing tendencies, fear of rejection or abandonment, and clinginess in relationships.
Relationships with an Anxious Attachment Style
An anxious attachment can result in increased anxiety, stress, or low satisfaction within relationships. Individuals with an anxious attachment style may need consistent reassurance or reminders that they are loved and worthy of love. Relationships for individuals with an anxious attachment can be healing or can cause more destruction. At times a relationship can make an individual with an anxious attachment feel trapped leading to doubt or worry. A person can start to doubt the relationship by developing a perception that their partner is not as committed to, or as emotionally involved in, the relationship. Any form of perceived rejection can be harmful as it can cause the individual’s self-esteem to decrease. There are many different ways an individual can perceive an action as a form of rejection. One common example might be going all day without hearing from one’s partner. Individuals with an anxious attachment style may perceive that their partner is mad at them or does not care. In reality, it might be that their partner was in back-to-back meetings and was unable to talk.
Can an individual form secure relationships if they have an anxious attachment style?
Short answer, yes, an individual with an anxious attachment style can form secure relationships, however; it will not always be easy. To form secure relationships, it is important to be aware of one’s triggers and behaviors, maintain open and healthy communication between partners or friends, and set healthy boundaries. While past experiences do not predict current or future relationships, they can influence them, further solidifying the importance of correcting one’s thinking patterns or behaviors. Therapy can be a helpful, healthy resource that can provide a non-biased perspective to help correct behaviors you already notice and identify ones you are not aware of.
Here at Atlanta Wellness Collective, we want to help. For support, contact us or request an appointment online.
This blog post was written by Amanda Shyer, MA, LAPC, NCC.
Disclaimer: This blog is not intended to substitute professional therapeutic advice. Talk with your healthcare provider about your health concerns and before starting or stopping therapies. No content on this site, regardless of date, should ever be used as a substitute for direct professional advice from your doctor or other qualified clinician.
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